The Rules of American Justice

The Rules of American Justice are quite clear:

1. If you are a high-ranking government official who commits war crimes, you will receive full-scale immunity, both civil and criminal, and will have the American President demand that all citizens Look Forward, Not Backward. 
2. If you are a low-ranking member of the military, you will receive relatively trivial punishments in order to protect higher-ranking officials and cast the appearance of accountability. 
3. If you are a victim of American war crimes, you are a non-person with no legal rights or even any entitlement to see the inside of a courtroom. 
4. If you talk publicly about any of these war crimes, you have committed the Gravest Crime — you are guilty of espionage – and will have the full weight of the American criminal justice system come crashing down upon you. 

Source:  Glenn Greenwald, "Rules of American justice: a tale of three cases"

Double Ring of Fences Protects U.S. Congress from Citizens

To protect Congress from the people in advance of the "Occupy Congress" protest Tuesday in Washington, we put a double ring of fencing around the Capitol Building.  The new fencing is the centerpiece of our "Green Zone DC" initiative.

What is Green Zone DC?  Modeled after our former seat of government in Baghdad, Green Zone DC will comprise a system of fortifications designed to keep the People at a distance from Congress.  The temporary fencing we have in place today is only a beginning. 

Both parties have agreed in principle to allocate $350 million to make the double fencing permanent.   They're only arguing about how to pay for it.  The GOP wants the money to come out of a school lunch program for handicapped orphans, and the Democrats propose that permanent fencing be funded through a new "mansion tax" on homes valued at more than $500,000.

The plan for Green Zone DC is on display inside the recently competed $1 billion dollar Capitol Visitor Center.  Similar to Green Zone DC, the thinking behind the Visitor Center was to protect our political leaders from the public.  

The first five photos show the double ring of fencing we installed around the U.S. Capital Building in advance of the "Occupy Congress" protest.    The space between the perimeter fences is intended to be wide enough for an officer mounted on a horse.  

The final four photos show the Capitol Detainment Zone and Arrest Venue (aka "the West Lawn") which we have surrounded with double fences.  The space between the fences is wide enough for us to ride two horses.  It provides a corridor from which we intend to videotape and photograph protesters.  These images will go into a database which we plan to share with various government agencies including the FBI and Customs and Immigration Enforcement (ICE) which now deports U.S. citizens for us.  We may also decide to share the images with foreign governments and private corporations.

If we get annoyed by what we overhear the protesters saying and we feel like pepper spraying them, the double fencing provides a quiet area from which to assault them with our chemical weapons.  Depending on wind conditions, we may volley canisters of the new tear gas the Egyptian junta kindly tested for us in November. 

Members of the public have provided some feedback about our new fences on Twitter.  You are welcome to tweet your own comments to @FearDept.  Suggested hashtags are #FearFence and #GreenZoneDC.

We must change our laws to get Assange

Heritage Foundation recently held a public panel discussion about WikiLeaks. The panelists included Cully Stimson, former Asst Deputy Sec of Defense on Detainee Affairs, and Paul Rosenzweig, former Asst Deputy for Homeland Security.

Staff have transcribed former Asst Deputy of Homeland Security Paul Rosenzweig's statement from the 2 min 20 sec mark:

It seems to me that if we're going to go down the road of trying to fix our espionage laws to fix issues like Assange and terrorism, the right way is not to try and shoehorn a change that we're not quite sure of its second order and collateral effects into a statute that actually is pretty effective under the terms that it is in. I mean I'm not going to be an advocate of not amending the espionage laws to get at Assange -- I think it's a reasonable thing for Congress to want to do. I would be an advocate for them to take a little more time, step back, and think about all of the categories and types of information, and all the different means by which information is disclosed. And see if there isn't a way -- I believe there is -- of drawing distinctions between mainstream media organizations who report news and add value and things like WikiLeaks which I tend to think of as just a means of communications as a telephone directory. I mean they're just putting information out. Nobody would say a telephone directory is a news organization...

We agree with Paul Rosenzweig. The key is for Congress to carefully work out how to support the mainstream corporate media while sticking it to WikiLeaks.  This is legislation that cannot be rushed but will require the full attention of media and entertainment industry lobbyists.

Former Asst Deputy Sec of Defense on Detainee Affairs Cully Stimson went on to suggest that we have reason to believe "WikiLeaks has a lot more information to divulge" and presumably changes to the espionage laws could be made in time.  The bottom line is we have to get Assange before he can liberate any more of the information we are keeping from the public.  

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See also this post about the Espionage Act of 1917.

Fear Sharing

Above are selected responses.  You can view more here. 

The Secret to Our Success

I didn't know our government could torture people.  I didn't know the president could go to war with another country without the approval of Congress.  I didn't know the Supreme Court could decide the winner of a presidential election.  I didn't know the president could assassinate American citizens.   I didn't know American citizens could be imprisoned without trial indefinitely.  I didn't know the Constitution could be suspended. 

There was a time we didn't know either.   But we chose not sit around contemplating ethics or legal precedents.  We didn't consult the Constitution.   Instead of listening to our lawyers, we spoke to them.  And they assured us if we broke laws, we could change them later.  We realized we would never known how much power and wealth we accumulate for our corporate partners until we tried.  When the time was right, we set out to see what we could get away with.

A few years ago Easton Syme (now with DoF) explained our winning attitude to journalist and author Ron Suskind:

The [George W. Bush White House] aide said that guys like me were "in what we call the reality-based community," which he defined as people who "believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible reality." ... "That's not the way the world really works anymore," he continued. "We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality—judiciously, as you will—we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors…and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do." 

Our Journalist Surveillance Program

Have certain media personalities or bloggers been bad mouthing Fear Dept? We'd like to know. That's one reason we systematically monitor the activities of journalists and citizens active on social media.

Citing a recent report by Homeland Security, FastCompany (h/t @Asher_Wolf) notes that not only are we spying on U.S. journalists, but we're sharing our findings with corporate and international partners: 

DHS Discloses NOC Monitoring Initiative. In a document posted to the Department of Homeland Security's website, the agency confirmed the existence of an extensive media monitoring program. Since at least 2010, DHS has been collecting personally identifiable information on "anchors, newscasters, or on-scene reporters who are known or identified as reporters in their post or article or who use traditional and/or social media in real time to keep their audience situationally aware and informed" and "current and former public officials who are victims of incidents or activities related to Homeland Security." In-house media monitoring reports created by DHS are also being shared with private sector and international partners. 

The People have Spoken: Results of Our DHS Poll

% of total votes for each choice in "Rename DHS Poll," Nov., 2011 (N=3,253)

From Nov. 2nd to Nov 8th, 2011 we orchestrated the largest ever nationwide poll on the future of the Department of Homeland Security.

Our poll concerned the most pressing question of all: Should DHS be renamed? We provided a list of alternative names and invited the American People to vote for their favorites.  By the end of the polling period, a total of 3,253 people had voted; as respondents were allowed to choose more than one response, a total of 4,064 votes were cast.

As per the above chart, these were the top responses, listed in order of votes received:

1. Privatize and name it after the buyer (i.e. "Haliburton Security" or "Saudi Binladin Group Security"): 1113 votes, 27% 
2. Scaredycatland Security (staff pick): 1008 votes, 25%
3. Fatherland Security (says we're strong):  668 votes, 16%
4. Bankland Security (its all theirs anyway): 533 votes, 14%
5. Droneland Security (rhymes with "homeland"): 329 votes, 10%

Other names received fewer than 10% of votes cast. 

We are most grateful to journalist James Fallows for having publicized our national survey on his excellent blog at the Atlantic Monthly.

Citizen contributed names

A number of citizens who declined to participate in the poll chose to submit their own names for DHS.  They submitted these names over Twitter, in the comments sections of blogs, and on major bulletin board sites across the country.  A Taiwanese website also participated.   By the end of the polling period, 568 people had suggested hundreds of alternative names for Homeland Security.

Many "citizen contributed" names were quite dubious.  Whenever individuals submitted their own names (as opposed to selecting the items on the poll) we made every effort to track down IP addresses or subpoena Twitter account information. 

Plethora of acronyms

Until our next federal grant comes through, we will not have the resources to analyze all the names, let alone arrest everyone who participated.

However, based on preliminary analysis by a team led by Undersecretary Wolf, the following acronyms are likely to be rejected: 

• KGB: Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti
• RETARDED: REdundant Treasonous Americans Raping Democracy Every Day
• DEAD: Department to Eradicate American Democracy
• ADHD: American Department of Homeland Defense
• DICKS: Department of Inequality, Capitalism, Korruption and Servitude
• DUM: Department of Unpatriotic Mentality
• DOFUS: Department of Fear, United States
• DOHAC: Department of Hope and Change
• DEATHSTAR: DEfending America THrough Security Theatrics And Ridiculousness
• WASTE: Wacky Administration Sacrificing the Taxes of Everyone
• SACUP: Dept. of Shove All Complaints Up Pooper
• BENDOVER: Bureau of Ending National Debate Over Violation of Everyone's Rights
• DIE: Dept. of Do It or Else
• GROPE: Government Response to Obvious Political Expediency
• C****: Committee for Unethical National Threat Scaremongering
• DOOM: Department Of Orwellian Misrule
• MILF: Ministry of Instantaneous and Last Freedom
• DAMNIT: Department of Absolutely Meaningless National Insecurity Theater
• USELESS: United States Emergency Law Enforcement Secret Service
• DUH: Department of Upperclass Hooligans
• A*******: American Security Services, Homeland Operations, Law Enforcement for the State
• RSMA: Reich Security Main Office
• SAFETY: Securing American's Fear of Everything Threatening You
• DHS: Department of Honor and Selflessness (inspired by this)
• DIPS***: Department of International Perception State Homeland Investigation Taskforce
  

Other dubious names
Following are some of the more curious name suggestions we received:

• Mystery Security Theater 3000
• Department of Perpetual Orange
• The Unicorn Society (I mean they are looking for non-existent things after all)
• Mother of all Fatherland Departments
• The Kindly Ones (A Greek euphemism for the Furies)
• 米国淫民的爱国爱党情操不高尚嘛  (The United States of Kinky Party Patriotic Sentiments of the People is Not a Noble Thing)

One entrepreneur suggested the DHS be named after his company's "security" product (SecurityFeelBetter).  That's capitalism at its best.   

Where to go from here? 

 Hubble Space Telescope photo of remote galaxies (NASA).

Only 4% of respondents in our national poll said they favor retaining the name Homeland Security.  This means the name is probably going to have to change. What is our next step?  OutputLogic describes our plan of action quite accurately:

First, they have to form a Committee for Renaming the Department of Homeland Security.  Second, the committee has to work for two years and draft a 1000-page conclusions document.  Third, there has to be a nation-wide referendum. Fourth…

Because the debt is scary enough already, we will outsource as much of this work as possible to companies in Asia.  Encouragingly, we received some interesting responses from Taiwan.  Staff particularly appreciated the forward thinking behind a name suggested by one of the Taiwanese.  SandersYao wrote:

If the boundaries of U.S. imperialism were to be extended to encompass the scope of the universe, it should be called the Space Security Agency.  

Our global media partners

James Fallows publicized our poll.

The U.S. Dept. of Fear couldn't possibly achieve its objectives without the complicity of the media.  Here's a partial list of various media organizations that helped to promote the survey (along with the number of DHS names suggested):

• Atlantic Monthly, "Cast Your Vote Now! New Names for DHS": n/a
• SlashDot, "Help Rename the Department of Homeland Security": 382 names
• FearDepartment, "Other suggested names for Homeland Security": 66 names
• MetaFilter: "Department of Terror and Graft": 39 names
• @FearDept (our Twitter account): 32 names 
• Flier Talk, "The Atlantic poll: Vote on a new name for the Department of Homeland Security": 25 names
• Jandan.net, "恶搞，为美国国土安全部门重命名": 18 names
• TeraScape Networks, "Help Rename Homeland Security": 5 names
• Prison Planet Forum, "Rename the U.S. Department of Fear... err, um... I mean Homeland Security.": 1 name

Survey questionnaire
Voters could select multiple items.  The online polling gadget (bellow) calculates the percent for each item as percent of the number of persons voting (N=3,253), whereas our chart (top of the post) indicates the percent of total votes (4,064) each item received.  

Should we rename Homeland Security? What would be a better name for it?

Word of the Month: DEGENERATE

During a press conference Friday morning at DoF Center, Secretary of Fear Malcolm P. Stag III declared "degenerate" Word of the Month for December 2011.

SecFear said, "Degenerate, as with many of our most successful memes, was formulated in the minds of elite right wing bloggers. Next thing, the word was uncritically embraced by the mainstream media."

Later in the day, Dr. Rebecca Wolf, Undersecretary for Information, told Fox & Friends: "We were delighted to observe how quickly use of the word metamorphosed. From a means of impugning places and activities associated with OWS, it soon became a means of disparaging the character of individuals."

"Let me put it this way," SecFear said, "You waterboard the terrorist, you pepper spray the degenerate."

Wikipedia photos prove Iran culpable in terrorism

UPDATES (2)
In addition to spying on the private communications of the American People, counter-terrorism analysts of the United States Department of Fear routinely harness "open source" online resources in our effort to combat terrorism.

Recently, while surveying Wikipedia, a DoF staff member detected a pattern in some photographs.

The photos discovered by our analyst reveal the "missing link" that connects the 2001 anthrax attacks--long believed to have been carried out by Al Qaeda--to Al Qaeda on the Arabian Peninsula and Quds Force. Quds Force, of course, is the unit of the Iranian Guard most recently implicated in the plot to kill the Saudi Ambassador.    

Based on this timely and important discovery, the U.S. Department of Fear has requested an emergency meeting of the United Nations Security Council.  On Tuesday SecFear will demand the Security Council pass a resolution authorizing one of our allies to attack Iran's nuclear facilities -- facilities we're convinced are being used to build nuclear bombs. 

UPDATE 1: 
James Fallows, a journalist for the Atlantic Monthly, has published information that skeptics claim puts a cloud of doubt over the credibility of our evidence of a link between the 2001 anthrax attacks, Al Qaeda and its dangerous new affiliate, and Iran's Quds Force.

UPDATE 2:
Secretary of Fear Malcolm P. Stag III announced late Thursday afternoon that he will go forward with his plan to present the UN Security Council with the hard photographic evidence.

"Quds Force carried out the 2001 anthrax attacks--the link is irrefutable," SecFear told FoxNews. "Wikipedia is a trusted resource of the intelligence community," he added.   

Was Mayor Bloomberg's terrorist bomb scare a success?

Late Sunday afternoon, the office of New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg announced that a terrorism related press conference was about to occur. At the press conference, NYPD officials alleged that a home grown lone wolf terrorist had been caught planning a series of terrorist attacks across the city using homemade bombs.

Our question: Did the this Fear Event have its intended effect?

Threat to repair bridge triggers deployment of land, air and sea assets

We're proud to announce that we prevented Occupy DC protesters from repairing Key Bridge today--our Sign Intelligence Unit determined they planning to do something like that.  The serious nature of the threat prompted full mobilization of the department's land, air, and sea assets. 

Occupy DC protesters, hell bent on fixing the bridge, numbered in the hundreds.  

Land:  Ten of some fifty vehicles deployed--in addition to four horses.

Air:  One of our surveillance helicopters (we kept the AWACS at a safe distance).

Sea:  Heavily armed patrol boat passes under the bridge. 

Occupation Domino Theory

"If the Department of Fear now were to throw in the towel, and come home, and the Occupiers took over South Cascadia, then, all over North America, all over the Pacific, in the Mid East, in Europe, in the world, the Department of Fear would suffer a blow. And war. Because we are the great war-making entity in the world today because of our power. Would suffer a blow from which it might not recover."

- Secretary of Fear Malcolm P. Stag III

Kite-fliers to be charged under Terrorism Act

The U.S. Dept. of Fear is passionate about charging ordinary Americans with crimes under our terrorism laws.  Today many countries can be observed to be following our example.  

Kite-flyers to be booked under ATA

Staff Report

LAHORE: Capital City Police Officer (CCPO), Ahmad Raza Tahir said that cases under Terrorism Act would be registered against those kite-flyers who would deliberately endanger lives of fellow citizens by using dangerous strings.

CCPO directed a complete ban on kite-flying and directed all SHOs to ensure indiscriminate action against the usage of prohibited elements, such as dangerous strings, in order to ensure proper protection of innocent lives. He also directed a strict action against aerial firing and those indulging in the string-making and kite-flying for which all divisional SPs will be held responsible for their respective areas. On the directive of CCPO, during the current year, Lahore Police has registered as many as 380 cases of kite-flying and arrested 405 culprits.

He warned that if any officer or official displayed laxity in this regard, he would be proceeded against strictly, at the departmental level. He ordered Lahore Police to take effective legal action with regard to aerial firing and stated that law would come into action indiscriminately against those who flout the ban on kite-flying. He also instructed police officers to ensure comprehensive implementation of ban on kite flying, aerial firing and fireworks in their respective areas.

Daily Times of Pakistan