Monday, November 22, 2010
Good news for air travelers. Changes are coming to airport security. DoF has learned of developments that will not only tighten security, but make the entire TSA screening process more efficient. Although hand-luggage will be screened as before, those dreaded TSA pat-downs and backscatter X-rays will soon be a thing of the past. Incredibly, a new technology will even detect the presence of explosives hidden in body cavities.
Analysis of blood samples taken from both the shoe and underwear bombers detected the explosive chemicals PETN and TAPN. This means that trace amounts of plastic explosives enter the bodies of would-be bombers through the skin. Scientists at MIT and Los Alamos National Laboratory have discovered that these compounds react radioactively with fucidic-ketrodimerol. This means that a mildly radioactive catalyst agent containing fucidic-ketrodimero is capable of producing rapid ionization of PETN and TAPN in the human body. Hence the new TSA plan.
New TSA Screening Process
Ticketed passengers will simply be required to orally ingest a tiny vile of uranium-sulphide-fucidic--ketrodimerol (UrSoFkd). Having been tested extensively on small animals, with a radioactive half-life of only nine hours, this chemical is considered completely safe. When mixed with aspartame, focus groups report that the tangy orange potion tastes delicious. Artificially sweetened UrSoFkd will be marketed in the United States by IPIG under the trade name Securatine®.*
Presently, plans call for administration of Securatine® to happen at the airline check-in counter. By the time your have made your way to TSA security, your body chemistry will be suitable for screening. At the TSA checkpoint, you will be asked to walk, fully attired, behind a sensitized non-emitting screen that will register the ions given off by the Securatine®. Detection of suspect passengers by TSA officers stationed at monitors will be easy and unobtrusive.
* Securatine® is a registered trade mark of Icarus Pharmaceutical Industrial Group (NASDAQ: ICRX).
Fear catalyst: TSA
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