Department of Insecurity
Department of Fear, United States: DOFUS
Dept. of "FatCatLand Security"!!!
SECURITY FEEL BETTER http://securityfeelbetter.com/
I like my father's take on DHS. If we accept that Agencies, Departments, Committees and the like are all about the same, and we acknowledge that the Homeland is the State, then we get:Department = CommitteeHomeland = StateSecurity = Security.Committee for State Security, aka KGB.
I think the name should remain 'Homeland Security' - it seems so apartheid South African that it would be a shame to lose that level of segregation and exclusivity. I think the change should come in annual sponsorships, much like the college bowl games: Tostitos Dept. of HS; Vitalis Dept of HS; Koch Family Dept. of HS; etc. There could be an annual auction to help offset the cost of new 'listening devices,' and the winning sponsor would earn the right to have company logo decals displayed prominently on helmets, flak jackets, cattle prods, etc. We have a budget to balance, people.
People's Commissariat for Internal AffairsCommittee for State Security
I can't believe I'm the first one to suggest the obvious... Ministry of Love
Dept. of Security Theater
Department of Look Like You Are Busy .. because you can't figure out how to solve the underlying problems and don't think the American people can comprehend the notion of acceptable losses in the name of retaining freedom from unreasonable search and seizure.
Try the American Gestapo.After all,that is what they are acting like
"Department of Terror and Graft" was suggested here :http://www.metafilter.com/109198/Department-of-Terror-and-Graft
DOHDepartment of Homeophobia
Department of Homeland Perversity
Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division
Distopia Homeland Security, Torqueo Patria ObsidisIt was hidden in plain sight all along.
Spying on Citizens Bureau
Department of Manufactured Consent
Department of Hope and Change (DOHAC)
Department of Freedom Denial
The Internal Reclamation Service (IRS)or if that's too obscure a reference to a certain movie beginning with the 22nd letter of the alphabet, then how about:The Internal Redaction Service
State Heroes Inspecting Tourists
Ministry of Inappropriate Hugs
"Closed for business" is my choice.
Security Theater gets another vote because it's all just a show.
Department of Rights Removalonly thing they actually succeed atbonus the acronym is drr.
DEfending America THrough Security Theatrics And Ridiculousness, or Dept DEATHSTAR.
I've always thought of the government's tip of the fear spear as The Department of The American Inquisition.
I'm surprised that nobody has suggested Big Brother yet.
How about fire all the idiots involved in this project and hire some real workers to actually get some real work done.
Homeland Intelligence Agency - H.I.AReporting to the G.I.A - Global Intelligence Agency who now oversees the C.I.A. and also has the secret I.I.A. - Internal Intelligence Agency to monitor all our other offices of government.With the highest ranking official being:The Directors office of "The Man" his most highest Big Brother in watching
WackyAdministration Sacrificing theTaxes ofEveryone
Has Stasi been taken yet?
Keystone Cops?iHappy?Orwell's Nightmare?
We should take the approach that Japan uses and use contracted words. Take Homeland Security and contract it to The Department of Hose.
The Department of Security Theater
Ministry of Peace
Dept of stopping the same attack from happening twice so go try something new.
Dept. of Chicken Little OMG Increase My Budget!!!
There are so many great possibilitiesDept. of Cowardice, Groping, and 4th Amendment Evisceration
Department of Unconstitutionalizm
The StasiStaatssicherheit, literally State Security.
2 possibilities come to mind:Dept. of Shove All Complaints Up Pooper (SACUP)orBureau of Ending National Debate Over Violation of Everyone's Rights - (B.E.N.D.O.V.E.R.)
Department of CounterAmericanismDepartment of Small Government
Staying with the reality of it and what they are actually doing and for (by their own actions to date), how about Department of Absolute Bullsh*t (D.A.B.)? Or maybe Dept. of the Fourth Uber-riech (D.F.U.)? Or even Dept. of Do It or Else (D.I.E.)?
"Gestapo" would seem to fit the bill nicely.
Department of Emergency Response and PreventionORHomeland Emergency Response and Prevention"HERP/DERP has issued a report on the threat of domestic terrorism from the hacker group Anonymous today..."
Can we instead name it the Department of Xenophobia please?
Department of Fear Itself
Department of Indifferent Intrusion & Intimidation
Committee for Unethical National Threat Scaremongering.
How about:Government Response to Obvious Political ExpediencyGROPE.
Most of the accurate ones have already been stated:Gestapo, Ministry of Love, Staatssicherheit (Stasi always had a nice menacing ring to it)horrifying to know KGBs translation and that DoF is the same thing.
How About: Homeland Gestappo Security Dummies?Sounds Great and works for ME! Whatcha Think?
Dept of Grope and Giggle
The State Ministry of Behavior, Mind Control, and False Security.
My 12-year old son suggested the AARP, but I told him that would give the real AARP a bad name.
Department of Paranoia Creation
Ministry of Security Theater 3000?Otherwise I'll endorse the Orwellian MiniLiberty (MiniLove should be reserved for the DoD).
Department of Internal Suppression
How about: "The Considerate Big Brother Department"?
Your comments are important to us. We will make every effort to respond before it's too late. Dr. Rebecca WolfUndersecretary for Community and New MediaUnited States Department of Fear