Thursday, September 23, 2010

Dick Cheney Carbon Memorial

An artist's sketch of the Dick Cheney Carbon Memorial. 

Dick Cheney Carbon Memorial
DoF is proud to support the planned "Dick Cheney Carbon Memorial" (DCCM).  The plans call for the monument to be erected on the Mall in Washington D.C.    The purpose of the monument is to recognize the contribution of carbon fuel to American prosperity and honor those who have fought to preserve the American Way of Life.

The DCCM will be built on the Ellipse -- an empty expanse of  lawn located between the Washington Monument and the White House.   

Specifications and symbolism
The monument will feature a 300 foot tall drilling tower enclosed by a fifty foot high security perimeter.

Mr. Cheney once said, "You got to have people at the top who respond to and are selected by presidents."  Perched at the top of the oil rig will be a statue of Vice President Dick Cheney.   The forty-foot tall vice president will face the White House.   The position of the statue will symbolize the oil industry's support for the modern American presidency.   The blast wall surrounding the drilling tower will symbolize the need to secure oilfields.

On the interior of each of the four stone walls will be inscribed the following:
  • West Wall:  Names of early Iraq war champions: Richard Perle, Paul Wolfowitz, Kanan Makiya, Douglas Feith, Elliott Abrams, and Ahmad Chalabi.
  • East Wall:  The Four Fears
  • North Wall:   Names of terrorists captured or killed since 9/11 listed by country of origin.
  • South Wall:  Two Cheney quotations.  First quote:  "Conservation may be a sign of personal virtue but it is not a sufficient basis for a sound, comprehensive energy policy."   Second quote:  "I'm absolutely convinced that the threat we face now ... is very real and that we have to use extraordinary measures to deal with it."
    National Museum of Interrogation
    Once visitors have cleared the security perimeter and are safely inside the monument compound they will be able to board an elevator that will descend one hundred feet below ground to a large subterranean cavern.   The space will house the new National Museum of Interrogation.  Exhibits will teach visitors about the role of advanced interrogation methods in keeping America safe during the dangerous post 9/11 years.   For example, staff will demonstrate the "stress positions" and invite guests to attempt them.  Visitors can enjoy interactive multimedia shows in the Waterboarding Gallery.   Kids can explore the fuselage of a Boeing jetliner that was used for extraterritorial renditions.   Teenage visitors will surely gravitate to the Drone Pilot Simulator  where they can practice targeting and firing upon suspected terrorists. 

    The underground museum will also contain a full-scale replica of the subterranean White House bunker in which Cheney spent the better part of his eight years as vice president.  

    The DCCM will be a gift to the American People from a consortium of multinational energy companies and leading defense contractors.    DoF is also a proud sponsor of the project.

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    Dr. Rebecca Wolf
    Undersecretary for Community and New Media
    United States Department of Fear