Double Ring of Fences Protects U.S. Congress from Citizens

To protect Congress from the people in advance of the "Occupy Congress" protest Tuesday in Washington, we put a double ring of fencing around the Capitol Building.  The new fencing is the centerpiece of our "Green Zone DC" initiative.

What is Green Zone DC?  Modeled after our former seat of government in Baghdad, Green Zone DC will comprise a system of fortifications designed to keep the People at a distance from Congress.  The temporary fencing we have in place today is only a beginning. 

Both parties have agreed in principle to allocate $350 million to make the double fencing permanent.   They're only arguing about how to pay for it.  The GOP wants the money to come out of a school lunch program for handicapped orphans, and the Democrats propose that permanent fencing be funded through a new "mansion tax" on homes valued at more than $500,000.

The plan for Green Zone DC is on display inside the recently competed $1 billion dollar Capitol Visitor Center.  Similar to Green Zone DC, the thinking behind the Visitor Center was to protect our political leaders from the public.  

The first five photos show the double ring of fencing we installed around the U.S. Capital Building in advance of the "Occupy Congress" protest.    The space between the perimeter fences is intended to be wide enough for an officer mounted on a horse.  

The final four photos show the Capitol Detainment Zone and Arrest Venue (aka "the West Lawn") which we have surrounded with double fences.  The space between the fences is wide enough for us to ride two horses.  It provides a corridor from which we intend to videotape and photograph protesters.  These images will go into a database which we plan to share with various government agencies including the FBI and Customs and Immigration Enforcement (ICE) which now deports U.S. citizens for us.  We may also decide to share the images with foreign governments and private corporations.

If we get annoyed by what we overhear the protesters saying and we feel like pepper spraying them, the double fencing provides a quiet area from which to assault them with our chemical weapons.  Depending on wind conditions, we may volley canisters of the new tear gas the Egyptian junta kindly tested for us in November. 

Members of the public have provided some feedback about our new fences on Twitter.  You are welcome to tweet your own comments to @FearDept.  Suggested hashtags are #FearFence and #GreenZoneDC.

Threat to repair bridge triggers deployment of land, air and sea assets

We're proud to announce that we prevented Occupy DC protesters from repairing Key Bridge today--our Sign Intelligence Unit determined they planning to do something like that.  The serious nature of the threat prompted full mobilization of the department's land, air, and sea assets. 

Occupy DC protesters, hell bent on fixing the bridge, numbered in the hundreds.  

Land:  Ten of some fifty vehicles deployed--in addition to four horses.

Air:  One of our surveillance helicopters (we kept the AWACS at a safe distance).

Sea:  Heavily armed patrol boat passes under the bridge. 

"Mountain of Despair" Dedication Ceremony

If our corporate partners are to accumulate ever greater wealth, the people must be taught what to fear.  Americans must learn to live in the shadow of the Mountain of Despair.

-Malcolm P. Stag III, Secretary of Fear

The Mountain of Despair of the United States of America.

President Obama spoke at the dedication ceremony of the Mountain of Despair in the nation's capital Sunday.  The president addressed the nation from a podium at the foot of the mountain.  On account of the imminent risk of another terrorist attack, US citizens and other potential terrorists were seated far away from the president. 

President Obama spoke from the foot of the Mountain of Despair.

The Mountain of Despair is massive.  Its size and height dwarfs the Martin Luther King Stone of Hope. 

Mountain of Despair (left) is larger than the Hope Stone (right).

The Mountain of Despair erupted in the 1950s, leaving behind the so-called Stone of Hope or Hope Stone.  The Hope Stone was discovered by the Rev. Martin Luther King in Montgomery, Alabama.

Mountain of Despair erupted in the 1960s leaving behind a stone.

The Hope Stone isn't to be confused with the Hope Diamond.  The Hope Diamond is on display across the mall in the Museum of Natural History.  

Crowds gather around the Mountain of Despair.

A crowd at the base of the Mountain of Despair

These citizens traveled halfway across the country to have their pictures taken in front of the Mountain of Despair.

People lined up for photographs.

Police harassed two artists after they were caught painting the Stone of Hope.

Police harassing artists in the vicinity of the Mountain of Despair.

A few people have been reported for complaining that Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" line is not engraved into the stone tablets surrounding the Mountain of Despair.  Monument planners had looked into the possibility of including the quote.  However, the U.S. Department of Fear vetoed the idea, viewing it as an incitement to Thought Crime.

Through the Department's ongoing surveillance of the American People -- our colleagues at the NSA read millions of emails a day -- we have identified a number of U.S. citizens who dream of chipping away at the Mountain of Despair.    We like to say that these troublemakers are afflicted by the "Curse of the Hope Stone" (which is not to be confused with the Curse of the Hope Diamond).

Proles dream of ways to chip away at it.

To prevent citizens from chipping away at the Mountain of Despair, "Prohibited Items" on the grounds include various hard metal objects such as scissors, screw drivers, poles, and Leatherman brand tools.

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Prohibited items help keep mountain safe.

The outsourcing of American jobs to China has made our corporate partners very wealthy.  Only goods shipped in boxes labeled "Made in China" were allowed onto the grounds of the Mountain of Despair in advance of the dedication ceremony.

Only "Made in China" items allowed into grounds for the ceremony

If our corporate partners are to accumulate ever greater wealth, the people must be taught what to fear.  Americans must learn to live in the shadow of the Mountain of Despair.   

American child faces the Mountain of Despair.

Dragonfly Spy Drone Tested Over Washington

US Air Force tested a spy drone over Washington DC.
The Washington Monument is visible in the background.
Copyright © 2011 United States Department of Fear.

The Secretary of Fear was invited by the US Air Force to witness a test of an advanced insect spy drone that closely resembles a dragonfly on Sunday.

The event took place on the National Mall in Washington D.C..  Most tourists and residents of the capital had taken cover on account of a hurricane alert.

SecFear told Fear Department Blog, "We like to send in the mosquito drones to observe protests and monitor troublemakers."

The Independent discussed our deployment of insect drones:

Vanessa Alarcon, a university student who was working at an anti-war rally in the American capital last month, told the Washington Post: "I heard someone say, 'Oh my God, look at those.'

"I look up and I'm like, 'What the hell is that?'. They looked like dragonflies or little helicopters. But I mean, those are not insects."

Bernard Crane, a lawyer who was at the same event, said he had "never seen anything like it in my life". He added: "They were large for dragonflies. I thought, 'Is that mechanical or is that alive?'"

The incident has similarities with an alleged sighting at the 2004 Republican National Convention in New York when one peace march participant described on the internet seeing "a jet-black dragonfly hovering about 10 feet off the ground, precisely in the middle of 7th Avenue".

Entomologists suggest that the objects are indeed dragonflies. Jerry Louton, an expert at the National Museum of Natural History, said Washington was home to large, impressively-decorated dragonflies that "can knock your socks off".

However, he admitted that the dragonfly theory did not explain claims made independently by three people at the Washington event.

SWAT team protects Jefferson Memorial from dancers

SWAT team members, on look out for dancers, patrol the Jefferson Memorial on July 4, 2011. (E. Syme photo)

It was feared that a group might start dancing in the vicinity of the Thomas Jefferson monument on the Fourth of July. Because the Department of Fear has been concerned about this possibility, we sent Easton Syme to monitor the situation.

Syme reports:

• There were about twenty police vehicles in the vicinity of the monument. 
• No access to the monument was permitted to anyone who had not had their bags screened. 
• Persons thought to be predisposed to dancing were ordered to present identification. 
• Opposite the screening tent was an armored SWAT vehicle. 
• Several civilians with "Homeland Security" badges were present.
• The Washington DC Department of Infectious Diseases sent some vehicles to the monument. That was a wise precaution as many dancers would likely be carriers of the HIV virus, and a police officer might get bitten.

Although the monument was fenced off, and everyone entering the Jefferson Memorial was screened for weapons, Homeland Security took the extra precaution of sending a SWAT team to patrol the inside of the monument.   Several members of the SWAT team wielded machine guns.

Syme says that the purpose of the SWAT team was twofold: First, to deter anyone who may have been inclined to dance.  Second, to remind the general public that these are dangerous times, and that another terrorist attack might very well be imminent.

When asked to comment about the dancing at the Jefferson Memorial, SecFear Malcolm P. Stag III said, "We welcome every opportunity to expand our national security footprint throughout the nation's capital and beyond.  Jefferson Memorial is our newest stomping ground."

These videos document the arrest of dancers at the Jefferson Memorial in June 2011: