U.S. Senate Hearing on National Security Threats

In addition to providing the illusion of civilian oversight, the Senate Intelligence Committee provides our senior staff with a platform for announcing fears. On Wednesday January 29, 2014 the committee invited us to discuss worldwide security threats.

Double Ring of Fences Protects U.S. Congress from Citizens

To protect Congress from the people in advance of the "Occupy Congress" protest Tuesday in Washington, we put a double ring of fencing around the Capitol Building.  The new fencing is the centerpiece of our "Green Zone DC" initiative.

What is Green Zone DC?  Modeled after our former seat of government in Baghdad, Green Zone DC will comprise a system of fortifications designed to keep the People at a distance from Congress.  The temporary fencing we have in place today is only a beginning. 

Both parties have agreed in principle to allocate $350 million to make the double fencing permanent.   They're only arguing about how to pay for it.  The GOP wants the money to come out of a school lunch program for handicapped orphans, and the Democrats propose that permanent fencing be funded through a new "mansion tax" on homes valued at more than $500,000.

The plan for Green Zone DC is on display inside the recently competed $1 billion dollar Capitol Visitor Center.  Similar to Green Zone DC, the thinking behind the Visitor Center was to protect our political leaders from the public.  

The first five photos show the double ring of fencing we installed around the U.S. Capital Building in advance of the "Occupy Congress" protest.    The space between the perimeter fences is intended to be wide enough for an officer mounted on a horse.  

The final four photos show the Capitol Detainment Zone and Arrest Venue (aka "the West Lawn") which we have surrounded with double fences.  The space between the fences is wide enough for us to ride two horses.  It provides a corridor from which we intend to videotape and photograph protesters.  These images will go into a database which we plan to share with various government agencies including the FBI and Customs and Immigration Enforcement (ICE) which now deports U.S. citizens for us.  We may also decide to share the images with foreign governments and private corporations.

If we get annoyed by what we overhear the protesters saying and we feel like pepper spraying them, the double fencing provides a quiet area from which to assault them with our chemical weapons.  Depending on wind conditions, we may volley canisters of the new tear gas the Egyptian junta kindly tested for us in November. 

Members of the public have provided some feedback about our new fences on Twitter.  You are welcome to tweet your own comments to @FearDept.  Suggested hashtags are #FearFence and #GreenZoneDC.

Politico: Congress about to declare total worldwide war

Celebrating the death of bin Laden outside the White House.

National celebrations marking the death of bin Laden were not some kind of "grand finale." A better analogy is the half-time show at a football game.   We've still got a game to play.

Republicans, having huddled, have a bold new strategy for the second half.  Politico describes a muscular Republican-sponsored bill that would kick off the next the next phase of the War on Terror:

... critics say the Republican-sponsored measure amounts to the first full-scale declaration of war by the U.S. since World War II – at a moment when counter-terrorism efforts are succeeding, the U.S. is withdrawing from Iraq, and about to begin a withdrawal from Afghanistan. And, they say, it gives Obama and any successor carte blanche to attack any individual or any nation without further approval from Congress.

“The U.S. is trying to finish up and pull out of two wars right now [but] Congress is involved in declaring, for the first time in 70 years, worldwide war,” said Chris Anders, a legislative liaison for the American Civil Liberties Union.

In addition, Anders said, the legislation would result in “a huge transfer of authority from the Congressional Branch to the Executive Branch” that would give “ authority to this president and all future presidents to use military power, war power wherever a terrorism suspect resides.”

The half-time party was great fun, but it's time to get back on the field.  Call your Congressman and demand a declaration of "total worldwide war" before it's too late.

World Wide War Authorization (H.R. 1540, Sec. 1034)

Map of global terrorism.

The proposed "World Wide War Authorization" (H.R. 1540, Sec. 1034) marks a vast improvement over the dated 2001 version known as "Authorization for Use of Military Force" (P.L. 107‐40).  The former was more limited in scope. 

Following is the most important section of the new improved war authorization before Congress:

SEC. 1034 AFFIRMATION OF ARMED CONFLICT WITH AL‐ QAEDA, THE TALIBAN, AND ASSOCI3 ATED FORCES.

Congress affirms that—
(1) the United States is engaged in an armed conflict with
al‐Qaeda, the Taliban, and associated forces and that those entities continue to pose a threat to the United States and its citizens, both domestically and abroad;
(2) the President has the authority to use all necessary and appropriate force during the current armed conflict with al‐Qaeda, the Taliban, and associated forces pursuant to the Authorization for Use of Military Force (Public Law 107–40; 50 U.S.C. 1541 note);
(3) the current armed conflict includes nations, organization, and persons who— (A) are part of, or are substantially supporting, al‐Qaeda, the Taliban, or associated forces that are engaged in hostilities against the United States or its coalition partners; or (B) have engaged in hostilities or have directly supported hostilities in aid of a nation, organization, or person described in subparagraph (A); and
(4) the President’s authority pursuant to the Authorization for Use of Military Force (Public Law 107–40; 50 U.S.C. 1541 note) includes the authority to detain belligerents, including persons described in paragraph (3), until the termination of hostilities.

If you like, you can compare the old version to the new one here.

Don't forget to call your Congressman.  Tell him you're scared shitless of Al Qaeda in Arabian Peninsula.  Tell him that that the death of bin Laden marks a rare opportunity for the president to expand the War on Terror and you want Congress to give Obama and his successors the power to do just that.