Winner of America's Dick Award Announced

The votes have been counted. The people have spoken. America's Dick for 2014 is Stephen Harper, Prime Minister of Canada!

Stephen Harper, pictured at rear, is winner
 of the 2014 America's Dick Awards.

And by a landslide. Stephen Harper received 190 votes, or 45% of the total--just over twice as many votes as runner-up David Cameron, the Prime Minister of Britain. Our poll closed the day before the British leader raised the UK terror alert to "severe" and gave the strongest fear-speech of his career.

Aussie leader Tony Abbott came in third place with 12% of votes. The Australian prime minister performed well considering his short time in office, besting veteran Dick-Award-worthy leaders like Turkey's Recep Erdoğan (8%), Germany's Angela Merkel (6%), Japan's Shinzō Abe (5%), and Sweden's Fredrik Reinfeldt (1%).

America's Dick is the leader who people say would be most likely to screw his own people for us. You can read about the nominees' achievements and our nomination criteria here.

Bruce Heyman, the Goldman Sachs managing director presently serving as U.S. Ambassador to Canada, will personally present the award to Mr. Harper next week in Ottawa.

Thanks to Stephen Harper, Canadians are more fearful than would seem reasonable given their longstanding rejection of statehood and far-north location thousands of miles away from the world's hot spots.

The Secretary of Fear told Fox News, "Stephen Harper is an exemplary ally.  He's created new opportunities for our corporate partners to feed at the Canadian trough. He's toughened sentencing to fill prisons. He's integrated border security. He's militarized Canadian police forces. He's used police to violently crush protests. He's censored government scientists. He's gutted Canada's environmental laws. He's carbon-friendly."

SecFear continued, "Before Harper, Canada had an unfortunate reputation as a peace-loving country. The country was admired internationally for its relatively independent foreign policy in spite of its proximity to us. Today Canada supports our policy of using violence to solve the problems we have created in the Middle East.  Harper is the first to cheer when our Israeli partners build a new settlement or bomb Palestinians.  For the first time in their history, Canadians have reason to fear being disliked."

American's Dick Awards: Nominees

Update:  The results are in.

Named in honor of Richard Cheney, the America's Dick Award recognizes contributions of foreign leaders to our mission. America's Dick is a foreign leader who has gone the extra mile to advanced the agenda of the U.S. Department of Fear and its corporate partners.  He (or she) embodies our values in the day-to-day conduct of their office. While all of this year's nominees gladly put our agenda before the needs of their own citizens, America's Dick is the leader who people say would be most likely to screw them for us.

This year's nominees are: Shinzō Abe (PM of Japan), Tony Abbott (PM of Australia), David Cameron (PM of UK), Recep Erdoğan (PM of Turkey), Stephen Harper (PM of Canada), Angela Merkel (Chancellor of Germany) and Fredrik Reinfeldt (PM of Sweden).

Some leaders aren't eligible.  For example, Israeli PM Netanyahu is a dick, but he's not our dick.  Also, since they don't have a choice about tagging along, little pricks from insolvent client states like Ukraine, Ireland or Greece aren't eligible.

After reviewing the nominees, cast your vote at the top of the page (http://feardepartment.com). You can only vote for one leader.  The poll closes on August 21, 2014.